what is going on?

well. famous people are dying. what’s the deal? too ridiculous.

so here is a short update on my life. so much truly has happened since my last informational post.

i turned 21 years old on the 16th. had such a good day on my own at home and then had an incredible birthday party held at my work in the market. so many wonderful people came to celebrate with me. bukers, coworkers, hair stylists, old lady i met on the bus, musicians and bosses. what a good time.
then i walked out to my car to find nothing. no car. gone. stolen.

so last week i moved to the city into a house of guys i found on craigslist. one works for a carpet store. one installs things on yachts. and the last works with homeless youth. so diverse. everything’s been good so far. everyone has really different schedules so i hardly see them, which is a drag since it would be nice to kindof know the people who sleep in the house…

things are really good right now. i’m a real adult now. so scary but oh so good. i feel like my life has finally started. everything thing i’ve done in the past has just been preparation for this season i’m living now.

to tell you all the truth, inside my heart is really messy. things are getting more stable around me, but with the new stability it’s bringing up new deep emotions about things i never knew i “felt” anything about before. i can’t go into detail only because there really aren’t any. what was just stated is as far as i’ve even dared to go in this process.

danger bay.

but all is well.

ps. the lord is just wonderful. we’re in love more than ever i think.
done and done.

humans are wonderful.

watch the whole thing…

#1 did a good job. #2 helped out. but #3 brought the masses…

music time

-> music time

stars

how beautiful is this video?

(from allister ann’s blog)

mmmmm…

trip update

Good grief.

What a life I have. How did I get this lucky?

I just got home Tuesday night from a long week in Redding visiting friends, putting on shows, and watching 900+ people graduate from BSSM.

Great quotes from the week:
“so you use a whole lot of facial expressions when you talk…are they for real or just a big show?”  (coffee shop kid)
“you are sexy” (random guy at a show)
“don’t leave me” (another coffee shop kid)

Alright, that’s enough.

so my trip started out with driving a long time to redding. got my nose re-pierced. drink mexican milk. sang to the lord at the bluffs. then i hung out with my cordano family and ended the long day with playing music with my friend zach on elisa’s porch.

driving with chai in hand     time with the lord at the bluffs

tuesday elisa and i went to breakfast and talked about what our dreams are for life. we also ate a real tasty cinnamon roll.

i then headed to school and hugged a whole bunch of people. the music there for worship is just so good. never heard more heavenly sounds come from anywhere else. seriously. in the evening i went to a bbq for the lighthouse leaders. so many good faces.

wednesday i got the extreme pleasure of leading worship for the redding christian school chapel. this was the last one of the semester, so it was neat to be able to “send them off” with whatever they got from the lord during worship.

wednesday was also the night of the SHOW at the downtown eatery that i’ve been planning for a while. it started of a bit rough during sound check and i felt like a mother hen trying to gather all her chicks attempting to get all the musicians there in time to start up at a decent hour. the place was packed. the cops even called to tell us to be a bit quieter…haha, you know it’s a good party if the cops are called! everyone played amazing sets and then ben dj’d a sick dance party where everyone got nasty sweaty and rocked out.

thursday i learned more about the bssm curriculum as a possibility for the school i want to start sometime here in seattle and my dear friend kristena and i had a picnic at the bluffs but sadly didn’t snap any photos…

friday i got to spend time with some lovely ladies that were at school with me last year. we went to in & out…real good.

katie, me, and jessica

that evening after church i went to a bonfire on someones roof (truth) overlooking the city of redding. we pulled out a banjo, cello, and a couple of guitars and jammed… i had such a good time. a friend convinced me to play and i do thank him. it takes me a bit of a push to actually play in front of people… i get so nervous…

saturday i got to hang out at yaks coffee shop with some really rad people that i love so much.

kristena                             christian                   jessica

later that day i went to a “eurovision” party at jed’s with most of the attendees being european, the american’s were a surprising minority.

jess and i left the party a bit early to head over to the eatery to hear my friend zach play a set. we ate so many fries.

and still later in the evening we went for ice cream and looked at the redding lights and stars from hilltop.

sunday morning i led worship at the juvenile hall. those kids are so wonderful. where are all the good mom’s and dad’s in this world? i think if we had more good ones, then there would be very few crazy kids getting into so much trouble… anyways…

that evening i went to the grand and long awaited bssm graduation. kristena and i sat together and yelled and clapped for days while they called out over 900 names.

after the graduation i went to the “party at the icelander’s house” and it was outrageously amazing. i didn’t get to bed till 4am. that is a good party…

monday i got a second nose ring… i’ll try to post a good picture someday. i had lunch with toby, went to a tea party, and chilled in the incredible 103+ degree weather…

tuesday i hit the road and drove a real long time. i got about 2 hours from home when i realized that i was about to pass through my friend abby’s town. i shot a facebook message her way and within a couple minutes i was diverted from seattle to centralia and into a coffee shop for a kick-ass show. wow. such a good time. i met so many beautiful faces and listened to incredible music.

noah gundersen and band me and abby

and then i got home.

i love my city.

what a day.

Im pretty sure i havent had a stranger day since being in seattle than today. First, on my way to work on the bus some creepy man stared at me yhe whole time and a kid in a school bus flipped me off. At work, i messed so many drinks up, spilled and dropped so much, and even broke a shot glass. Then some kid asked me out and gave me his number. Now the jazz music is real… funky… odd characters for sure. I still have to bus home tonight! Oh yeah, there is an old man drinking wine sitting in front of me who keeps burping….

Tomorrow is just going to be so good. Done and done.

nice.

(i was there.)

May 7, 2009

I’m so nervous right now. I haven’t written about my feelings in a while now. Everything is so up in the air at this moment in time. When I feel like I do right now, I probably should set anything in stone, but I can announce that my heart is in a jumble.
I’m feeling as if this “alone” kick isn’t paying off. Or perhaps it is and I just feel lonely right now. No hugs. No real laughs. No kinship.

Just me and the Lord.

But it’s so good. All this stuff IS coming up and I AM dealing with it, so it’s not all for loss.

I’ve been thinking a lot about perfectionism today. I feel as though it’s a curse. It’s a constant striving and comparing that I don’t think should be. The Lord made us human and He knows what is “really” going on inside, so I guess that just “trying harder” still doesn’t make the cut. Apparently there isn’t a “cut”. We all win. Everyone is loved. Everyone is given dreams. Everyone is messy. Everyone is made with a need for constant communion with the Trinity. No one is made any different. I guess. I mean, I don’t think it would be anywhere in God’s character to love some more than others or some less than others. He would not be “true love” if that love could be measured.

Anyways, I want to learn how to love everything I create. Even if I change it, I want to love it all. I want to love every photo snapped. I want to love every random conversation. I want to love every awkward circumstance. I want to learn how to value all of this because they are all results of simply being ALIVE. I shouldn’t think a bunch about death, but once and a while I think it’s good to realize that really I’m only one car accident or flash flood or espresso machine blowing up mishap from all of this ending. I want to have 100% enjoyment out of every breath, song, thought, laugh, cry, photo, rainfall, bus ride, phone call, street performance and even the occasional papercut.

PS. I hate texting. I hate short, brief, and fast bits of information flying by with little thought and even smaller the amount of imagination. Can we please either call or write letters? Real phone calls, with time available for a real conversation. Real letters, with detailed stories.

Alright. That’s enough.

when i’m hungry, i eat…