secrets

sometimes i feel like i want to be a secret.
other days i want to be real loud. make a splash. invade minds. hearts. change lives.

i’ve been thinking lately about how interesting it is that we in the american westernized lifestyle live our lives in hopes that we “become something”. or that we “succeed” at something. that we “do great things”. but it feels like much of the time we spend a majority of time just trying or just die trying.
i don’t think that school is bad or training is bad either. nor setting goals or planning. i just mean that i wish more people would just simply do what they want to do now and not worry about the future. just be happy now and what else do you need? if you look back at your life and you find that you were always happy doing what you loved, what more makes your life a success? in my book, a happy life is a successful, great, wonderful, god-pleasing, holy life.

love god. love yourself. love people. do what you want.

i feel like seattle is a place where i just get to be. me. all of me. the hidden me. the shy me. the excited me. the one a kind me. the eclectic me. the supernatural me. the sensitive me. the adventurous me. the me who gets to fall in love every single day with new faces. the me who tells stories about ridiculous things. the me who gets angry at injustice. the me who cries over the pains of the deprivation in others eyes. the me who is still searching for home. the me who is longing to be held for the first time. the me who is confused. the me who dreams. the me who writes a million thoughts down on a website that maybe four people read. the me who doesn’t care how many read it. the me who writes just for the love of it.

i’m really excited about my life.

so scared.

but so excited.

“lord, you know…” -emery carl