november one, two thousand and nine

I need this adventure to start over once again. Do I move locations? Do I change my perspectives? Do I get to fall in love? Do I travel the world? Buy a bike?

Buy a bike->That would be fantastic. Biker Bitchiness here I come.

I think I’m longing for family. Mothers and Fathers. Sisters and Bros. Where the fuck do I find them? Where are they hiding? Where is covenant? How does that work in the “real world”?

Today on the bus I caught myself having a frequent pattern of thoughts. “I shouldn’t have to be busing” “I should have to live the way I do” “I should have to work for so little”

Where does this process come from? Obviously it leads to being un-content and miserable. Perhaps a bit of the bitterness that I taste now is simply deriving from these thoughts that I harbor and chew on constantly.

But somehow in the midst of all this, I’m thankful.

What a paradox. I’m thankful, yet I’m harboring an unhealthy feeling of entitlement. Is this my westernized pride that leads me to carry myself with this kind of an heir?

What is to be done?

A first step would be to make myself realize that I truly do capitalize on things a majority of the world could never dream of experiencing.

But I am thankful.

Am I?

(enter->self talk)
“Man I feel so privileged to live in a city where I can get places even without a car”
“Boy oh boy, I dwell in such a convenient spot and don’t even pay very much for such a luxury”
“I work in two beautiful industries that I get to pour my love and hard work ethic into daily”
“I spend time with people who influence this culture that I live in”
“I am learning about the music industry from people who actually care about me”
“I get my hair styled by the best in the city”

Good Job Melodie.

Keep it up girl.